When a Brother or Sister Dies

Q: Am I entitled to bereavement leave for a sibling's death?

There is no statutory right to paid bereavement leave for a sibling in UK law. Most employers offer 1 to 5 days of compassionate leave. Your GP can issue a fit note for additional time off.

Bereaved siblings are sometimes called "the forgotten mourners". When a brother or sister dies, the focus often falls on the surviving parents or the spouse of the deceased, while siblings are expected to be strong, to support others, or simply to get on with it. This guide is for you. Your grief is real, your loss matters, and you deserve support too.

Golden sunlight over a peaceful field at dawn — Photo by Federico Respini on Unsplash

Your grief is valid

Why sibling grief is often invisible

Society tends to focus condolences and sympathy on parents and spouses when someone dies. Siblings can find that their own grief is overlooked, minimised, or expected to take second place to others. Friends and colleagues may not know what to say, or may not realise how significant the loss is. You may find yourself in the strange position of comforting others while needing comfort yourself. Recognising this dynamic is the first step to getting the support you deserve.

What sibling grief feels like

Losing a sibling is losing someone who has known you your whole life: your shared childhood, your family history, the person who understood things about your family that no one else ever could. For many people, it also brings a profound sense of their own mortality. Grief for a sibling may include guilt (if you were not as close as you wished), anger, relief if your sibling was ill for a long time, and deep loneliness. All of these responses are normal and valid.

Grief and family relationships

The death of a sibling can shift relationships within a family in ways that are hard to predict. Families sometimes pull together; sometimes they fragment. Old rivalries, resentments, or unresolved tensions can surface. If you had a complicated relationship with your sibling, the grief may be complicated too. Grief for an estranged sibling, or for a sibling with whom you had a difficult relationship, is still grief. You do not need to have been close to be devastated.

Supporting your parents through their grief

No parent should bury a child

Your parents are dealing with an unimaginable loss. The grief of a parent for a child is different from any other grief, and they may be in a state of profound shock, even if your sibling was older or had been ill. Be patient with them. Their grief does not diminish yours. You can hold both at the same time: your own grief and theirs.

Balancing support and your own needs

Siblings often feel a strong pull to support their parents, sometimes at the cost of their own grieving. This is natural, but unsustainable. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Try to find at least one person, outside the immediate family, with whom you can be honest about your own grief. A friend, a counsellor, or a bereavement support service can give you a space that is purely yours.

When your parents are elderly or ill

If your parents are elderly, frail, or living with dementia or other conditions, the practical responsibility for managing everything may fall heavily on you. This can feel overwhelming when you are already grieving. Accept help from other family members, friends, and professional services. Social services can provide support for elderly parents who need it: contact the local council to request a care needs assessment. You are allowed to ask for help.

Practical help with the funeral and notifications

Who makes funeral decisions

If your sibling had a spouse or civil partner, they have the primary right to make funeral decisions. If your sibling was unmarried with no children, parents are typically next of kin and have this right, followed by siblings. If you are taking the lead on funeral arrangements, try to involve others where you can: funeral decisions that feel exclusionary can create lasting resentment. A good funeral director can help navigate these conversations.

How to help with notifications

Volunteering to handle specific, practical tasks is often the most useful thing a sibling can do. You might offer to contact their employer, friends, or social groups; to write social media posts or a newspaper notice; to organise a communication from the family; or to handle phone calls so that the surviving partner or parents do not have to repeat themselves over and over. Our template letters can help with formal notifications.

At the funeral

Your role at the funeral is to be present as a mourner, a supporter, and someone who loved your sibling. You may be asked to give a reading, a eulogy, or to carry the coffin. You are allowed to say no if you do not feel able. You are also allowed to be visibly grief-stricken, even if those around you expect you to hold it together. Grief expressed honestly is never something to be ashamed of.

Handling practical tasks while grieving?

Our personalised guide gives you a clear, step-by-step checklist so you do not have to figure everything out alone.

Get Your Free Guide

If you are named as executor

Being named in a sibling's will

If your sibling named you as executor in their will, you have a significant legal responsibility. You are responsible for valuing the estate, applying for probate, paying all debts, and distributing what remains to the beneficiaries. You can do this yourself for straightforward estates, or use a solicitor. You are entitled to claim reasonable expenses from the estate. If you do not feel able to act, you can renounce the role before you have taken any formal steps: speak to a solicitor about this.

Applying for probate

If your sibling owned property or had significant assets in their sole name, you will need to apply for probate. Use form PA1P (with a will) at gov.uk. The court fee is £300 for estates over £5,000. Current processing time is around 12 to 16 weeks. Once granted, you can access their accounts, sell property, and distribute the estate. See our probate guide for the full process.

Legal rights: what siblings are entitled to

Under intestacy (no will)

If your sibling died without a will, the intestacy rules determine who inherits. In England and Wales, siblings only inherit if there is no surviving spouse, civil partner, children, or parents. This means that for most adults, siblings receive nothing under intestacy. If your sibling was unmarried, had no children, and both parents have also died, then siblings inherit equally. In Scotland, siblings may receive a share under the rules of succession if there is no surviving spouse or children. See our intestacy guide for the full rules.

Under a will

If your sibling left a will, they can choose to leave you anything they wish. If you have been left a specific gift or a share of the estate, you are a beneficiary and entitled to receive it. You are also entitled to see the will (as a beneficiary) and to receive formal estate accounts from the executor. If you believe you were financially dependent on your sibling, you may be able to make a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975, but this is legally complex: seek professional advice.

Decisions about the body and funeral

The legal right to decide what happens to a body follows a specific order: spouse or civil partner first, then children, then parents, then siblings. If your sibling was married or had adult children, you may not have a legal say in funeral decisions, even if you have strong views. Try to express your wishes respectfully and to reach an agreement. A funeral director or mediator can help if there is significant disagreement.

Your grief as a sibling is real, and it deserves real support. You do not need to be the strong one all the time. Cruse Bereavement Support offers free, confidential help on 0808 808 1677. You can call just to talk, without needing to know what to say.

Bereavement leave for siblings

No automatic statutory entitlement

There is currently no statutory right to paid bereavement leave for the death of a sibling in UK law. The statutory entitlement (Parental Bereavement Leave) applies only to parents who lose a child under 18. For adult siblings, any bereavement leave depends on your employer's policy. Many employers do offer compassionate leave of 1 to 5 days for a sibling's death, but this is discretionary.

How to approach your employer

Speak to your HR department or line manager as soon as possible. Explain the situation and ask what the company's bereavement policy covers. Most reasonable employers will accommodate time off for a sibling's funeral and some additional time to manage immediate practical matters. If your employer is unhelpful, your trade union representative can advise. If you are unwell as a result of grief, your GP can issue a fit note allowing further time off.

When you return to work

Returning to work while grieving can be genuinely difficult. Many colleagues will not know what to say and may avoid the subject, which can feel isolating. It can help to have one person at work who knows the situation and with whom you can be honest. If you are struggling, talk to your GP: counselling and talking therapies can be accessed via the NHS. Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs), if your employer offers one, often include free confidential counselling.

Finding support for bereaved siblings

The Compassionate Friends: siblings section

The Compassionate Friends has a dedicated Sibling Support Group for adults who have lost a brother or sister. They offer an online forum, a postal library, and local support groups. Their helpline is 0345 123 2304, open daily 10am to 4pm and 7pm to 10pm. Their website is tcf.org.uk. The Sibling Support Network within TCF specifically recognises the unique grief of bereaved siblings.

Cruse Bereavement Support

Cruse offers free, confidential bereavement support for anyone who has lost someone important to them. Helpline: 0808 808 1677 (Monday to Friday 9:30am to 5pm). They can offer one-to-one support, local groups, and online resources. Their support is not limited to spouses or parents: sibling bereavement is just as valid a reason to reach out. cruse.org.uk.

Grief counselling and therapy

If you are finding it hard to manage your grief, speaking to a counsellor can make a significant difference. Ask your GP for a referral to NHS talking therapies (IAPT). Alternatively, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) directory at bacp.co.uk lets you find an accredited counsellor near you. Sue Ryder (sueryder.org) also offers free online bereavement counselling. You do not need a GP referral for any of these.

Common questions when a sibling dies

Do siblings have a legal right to inherit?

Under intestacy rules in England and Wales, siblings only inherit if the deceased had no surviving spouse, civil partner, children, or parents. If your sibling left a will, they can leave you whatever they wish. If you were financially dependent on your sibling, you may be able to make a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

Am I entitled to bereavement leave for a sibling's death?

There is currently no statutory right to paid bereavement leave for the death of a sibling in UK law. Most employers offer 1 to 5 days of compassionate leave at their discretion. Check your employment contract or speak to HR. If you are unwell with grief, your GP can issue a fit note for additional time off.

Who makes funeral decisions when a sibling dies?

The legal right follows a specific order: spouse or civil partner first, then children, then parents, then siblings. If your sibling was unmarried with no children, your parents typically have the primary right. If your parents have also died, the right falls to siblings.

Where can bereaved siblings find support?

The Compassionate Friends has a dedicated Sibling Support Group (0345 123 2304). Cruse Bereavement Support (0808 808 1677) offers free help for anyone who is grieving. Your GP can refer you to NHS counselling. The BACP directory at bacp.co.uk can help you find a private counsellor near you.

Get a practical checklist for your situation

If you need help understanding what practical steps apply to you, our personalised guide can walk you through them.

Get Your Personalised Guide