When a Parent Dies
Losing a parent is one of life's most significant moments, even when it is expected. As an adult child, you may find yourself responsible for a great deal of the practical work at a time when you are also grieving deeply. This guide walks you through what needs to happen, in a sensible order, so nothing important gets missed.
First steps: who does what
Who is next of kin?
If your parent had a spouse or civil partner who is still alive, they are legally next of kin. The surviving parent will usually be the first person the hospital, GP, or coroner contacts. If there is no surviving spouse, the role typically falls to the eldest child, though any adult child can take the lead. There is no legal rule here for adult children, so it is worth agreeing early on who will be the main point of contact.
Finding the will
Your first task is to locate the will. Check the house carefully: filing cabinets, desk drawers, a safe, a solicitor's office, or their bank. You can also search the National Will Register at certainty.co.uk (around £100) or contact the Probate Registry to see if a will has been deposited. If you find a will, do not act on it until you have a solicitor or probate service verify it is valid and the most recent version. The will names the executor and states who inherits what.
Registering the death
In England and Wales, the death must be registered within 5 days at the register office in the area where your parent died. In Scotland, you have 8 days. You will need the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death from the doctor or hospital. Order at least 5 certified copies of the death certificate (£12.50 each in England and Wales (£15 in Scotland)), as banks, insurers, and pension providers each need an original. Use Tell Us Once at the appointment to notify government departments in a single step.
Arranging the funeral
If your parent left funeral wishes, try to honour them. If not, the decision falls to the executor (or the next of kin if there is no will). Get at least three itemised quotes from funeral directors. A traditional burial averages around £5,400, cremation around £4,200, and direct cremation from around £1,600. You do not have to use the most expensive option. A direct cremation followed by a meaningful memorial can be just as personal, and far less financially draining.
If you are named as executor
What being an executor means
The executor is the person legally responsible for administering the estate. This includes applying for probate, collecting all assets, paying all debts and taxes, and distributing what remains to the beneficiaries. It is a significant responsibility and can take many months. You are not legally required to act as executor even if named in the will: you can renounce the role before you have intermeddled (taken any formal steps). Speak to a solicitor if you are unsure whether to accept.
Applying for probate
If your parent's estate includes property, or has more than around £5,000 to £50,000 in sole-name accounts, you will almost certainly need probate. Apply using form PA1P (with a will) at gov.uk. The court fee is £300. You will need to value the estate and complete an inheritance tax form first. Current processing time is around 12 to 16 weeks. For a detailed walkthrough, see our full probate guide.
Paying debts before distributing
Before any money goes to beneficiaries, all debts must be paid. This includes the mortgage, credit cards, loans, utility bills, and any care home fees. Place a statutory notice in The Gazette (thegazette.co.uk, around £85) and a local newspaper. Wait at least 2 months before distributing the estate. This protects you personally from creditors who come forward later.
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Dealing with your parent's home
Secure the property immediately
If your parent lived alone, secure the property straight away. Check the heating, remove perishable food, lock all doors and windows, and cancel any milk or newspaper deliveries. Contact the home insurer: most standard policies become void if the property is empty for more than 30 days, and you may need to switch to specialist unoccupied property insurance. Apply to the council for a council tax exemption, which runs from the date of death through probate and for 6 months afterwards.
Clearing the house
Do not rush to clear the property. Take time to go through belongings carefully: important documents can be mixed in with ordinary paperwork, and some items may have significant financial or sentimental value. Look for bank statements, insurance policies, share certificates, premium bonds (check at nsandi.com), pension paperwork, and any assets you were not aware of. Only once you have a full picture of the estate should you start clearing.
Sentimental items and family disagreements
Sentimental items can cause more conflict than money. If the will does not specify who receives particular items, they form part of the residuary estate to be divided among the beneficiaries. Try to handle this sensitively: a family meeting where people choose items in turn can help. Keep a written record of any informal agreements. If items of significant value are involved, get them properly valued before distributing. A mediator can help if disagreements become serious.
Sorting finances and pensions
Bank accounts and savings
Contact each bank individually, or use the free Death Notification Service at deathnotificationservice.co.uk to notify multiple banks at once. Sole accounts will be frozen but most banks will release funds for funeral costs before probate is granted. Joint accounts pass automatically to the surviving holder. Request a final bank statement from each account to help value the estate.
State pension and workplace pensions
Contact the DWP to stop state pension payments: overpayments will need to be repaid from the estate. For workplace and private pensions, contact each provider. There may be a lump sum death benefit, ongoing payments to a dependent, or remaining guaranteed payment periods. Many pension death benefits are written in trust and pass outside the estate, paid at the pension trustees' discretion. Check any nomination of beneficiary forms your parent may have completed.
Bereavement Support Payment: not available to children
Bereavement Support Payment is only available to surviving spouses and civil partners. As an adult child, you cannot claim it following a parent's death. If you are struggling financially, check whether you are entitled to any other benefits at gov.uk/benefits. Some employers offer enhanced compassionate leave; check your contract or speak to HR.
Life insurance and investments
Search through all paperwork and bank statements for insurance premiums. Some policies are written in trust, meaning the payout goes directly to the named beneficiary without forming part of the estate. ISAs lose their tax-free status on death (though there is a continuing account allowance for spouses). Shares and investments must be valued at the date of death for inheritance tax purposes.
Inheritance and who gets what
If there is a will
The will sets out exactly who inherits and in what proportions. Adult children have no automatic legal right to inherit if they are not named in the will, though they may be able to challenge it under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 if they were financially dependent on the parent. The executor must follow the will, even if other family members disagree with its contents.
If there is no will (intestacy)
If your parent died without a will, the intestacy rules determine who inherits. In England and Wales: if there is a surviving spouse or civil partner, they receive the first £322,000 and half of anything above that. Children share the remaining half equally. If there is no surviving spouse, children inherit equally. In Scotland, children always have a right to a minimum share (Legal Rights) regardless of what a will says. See our intestacy guide for the full rules.
Inheritance tax
Inheritance tax is charged at 40% on the value of the estate above £325,000. If your parent left their home to children or grandchildren, an additional allowance of up to £175,000 applies, giving a potential threshold of £500,000. If they were widowed, the unused portion of the first parent's nil-rate band can be carried forward, meaning the estate may be entirely exempt. Any IHT due must be paid within 6 months of death.
When siblings disagree
Why disagreements happen
Sibling disagreements after a parent's death are extremely common. Grief affects people differently, and old tensions can resurface at an already stressful time. Conflict most often centres on the will's fairness, who cared for the parent in later life, specific items, or how quickly to sell the family home. Try to separate the practical decisions from the emotional ones and address them separately.
What the executor can and cannot do
The executor has a legal duty to follow the will. They cannot give extra money to one beneficiary or delay the estate to punish another. Beneficiaries are entitled to receive accounts showing how the estate has been administered. If you believe the executor is acting improperly, you can apply to the court for them to be removed or to compel them to pass accounts. A solicitor can advise on this.
Mediation and legal challenge
If informal discussions are not working, family mediation is a much cheaper and faster option than court. A mediator helps all parties reach a negotiated agreement. If you believe the will is invalid (due to lack of mental capacity, undue influence, or fraud), you can contest it, but this is expensive and emotionally exhausting. Legal advice is essential before taking this step. The Contentious Probate team at any solicitor can advise.
Losing a parent reshapes your sense of the world in ways that are hard to anticipate. Even when the death was expected, the grief can be profound. You do not have to manage it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support offers free, confidential help on 0808 808 1677, and your GP can refer you to counselling if you are struggling.
Finding emotional support
Grief after losing a parent
The death of a parent, even in old age, can feel like losing a foundation. Many people describe feeling unexpectedly lost, vulnerable, or like they are suddenly "the older generation". These feelings are completely normal. Give yourself permission to grieve, even while managing the practical work. The two things do not have to happen at separate times.
Support organisations
Cruse Bereavement Support: free helpline on 0808 808 1677, open Monday to Friday 9:30am to 5pm (with extended hours on some days). Sue Ryder offers online bereavement counselling at sueryder.org. At a Loss (ataloss.org) is a UK directory of bereavement services. Your GP can refer you to NHS counselling or a local bereavement service. Many hospices also offer free community bereavement support, even if your parent did not die in a hospice.
Looking after yourself
The administrative burden after a parent's death is significant and can go on for months. Try to pace yourself. Delegate tasks to siblings or other family members where you can. Accept offers of help with practical things like cooking or shopping. If you are working, speak to your employer early about what you need. Most employers are accommodating, but they cannot help if they do not know what you are going through.
Common questions when a parent dies
Who is responsible for arranging the funeral when a parent dies?
If your parent had a surviving spouse, they typically take the lead. If there is no surviving spouse, the executor named in the will has the legal right and responsibility. If there is no will, any adult child can step forward. In practice, it is worth agreeing early with siblings about who will coordinate, to avoid confusion or conflict. The funeral director can guide you through the process regardless of who takes the lead.
Do I need to apply for probate when a parent dies?
If your parent owned property, or had more than around £5,000 to £50,000 in sole-name bank accounts (the threshold varies by bank), you will almost certainly need probate. Apply using form PA1P at gov.uk if there is a will, or PA1A if there is no will. The court fee is £300. You do not need a solicitor, though one can help if the estate is complex.
Can adult children claim bereavement benefits after a parent dies?
Bereavement Support Payment is only available to surviving spouses and civil partners, not to children. As an adult child, you cannot claim it. If your income has been affected by the loss (for example, if you were financially dependent on your parent), check your eligibility for Universal Credit or other benefits at gov.uk/benefits.
How long does bereavement leave last if a parent dies?
There is no statutory right to paid bereavement leave for the death of a parent in UK law. Most employers offer 3 to 5 days of compassionate leave as part of their company policy, though some offer more. Check your employment contract or speak to HR. If you need longer, your GP can issue a fit note. ACAS has guidance on bereavement in the workplace at acas.org.uk.
What happens to my parent's house after they die?
If your parent had a surviving spouse who owned the property as joint tenants, it passes to them automatically. If the property was in your parent's sole name, it becomes part of the estate and is distributed according to the will or intestacy rules. You cannot sell the property until probate is granted. Apply for a Class F council tax exemption immediately, as the property may be exempt from council tax from the date of death through to 6 months after probate.
Official resources
- gov.uk/after-a-death : Step-by-step guide from the government
- gov.uk/applying-for-probate : How to apply for probate online
- gov.uk/find-bereavement-services-from-council : Local council bereavement services
- gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will : Intestacy rules explained
- cruse.org.uk : Free bereavement support and counselling
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